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Sunday, June 29, 2008
{ 1:09 AM }
i'm wrong. i was wrong and am wrong. yes, you've been very nice to me. you tried your best to fulfill my needs and made sure i'm well. but have you thought of my feelings? it's so difficult to take everything alone. i've got no one to talk to. maybe you thought i've got no emotions or you thought this is not important. all you care is about me being nice and also my studies. "if you got a cert, you'll have a good job and you'll have no problem with money." do you know that i'm going to snap now? your expectations of me is so much i'm afraid i'll fail you. i don't want to fail you. i've worked. but maybe i require more work than others. i'm not that smart. i don't want to act nice anymore. i'm not someone who is nice. it's hard to act someone you're not. i don't see the light here. my future is so blur. i don't even know if i've any future. i'm scared of the future and what it brings. i'm sorry i made you unhappy. i'm sorry i've hurt you. but my heart, it hurts too. it's bleeding..so painful. and i'm tired. i'm sick and tired of life. i want to rest. forever. what's the only way to rest forever? death. but the thought of death scares me..many times, i thought of ending my life. but there's just so many things i think i'll miss. i can't bare to leave. i'm so cold here. i feel so lonely because it seems nobody understands me. i understand that there are people much worse than me..but i'm really drained and i don't think i can hold onto this heavy burden anymore. it's been so many years..someone take me to somewhere new. i want to start a new life in a new place, with someone new.
